Tuesday, October 03, 2006

ok, ok already.....

so "i'll post more in a few days" became yet another month, october to be exact. how does a good minneapolitan spend their falls days you ask? well yesterday i rode down my golden leaved tree lined street in shorts and a tak top enroute to the beach, where i basked in the sun shirtless for a good portion of the afternoon. this is very un-like me, "laying out" that is, and very unusual for fall in minneapolis, but when in rome right?

it still feels like summer will go on forever, or until the leaves are gone and the snows falls. i had a very vivid memory laying in my bed shivering last winter of minneapolis in the spring and summer. all lush and green, the smell of bbqs and fresh cut grass competing with the sights of shirtless worked out men and gardens overflowing with the dripping petals of lilies. this thought was how i made it through last winter and now it feels like its starting to fade right before my eyes. this is not dread as the winter doesn't scare me anymore, but i am left with the question of "did i do enough"? i guess i would rate my summer fun as successful but the what if's and i should've's get me.

i got to spend some good quality time with my sister and niece on their visit to duluth, which also coincided with my dad's visit, a family reunion and my first green man festival to see my faves low play by the lake. the family stuff was great but involved a few weekends driving 35 back and forth, but worth every minute. was great to see how my nieces has grown and evn gone off to school this year, pre school anyways. hadn't seen my dad in a almost a year and half and good just to try and reconnect. we are so far removed in idealogies, life and sadly paths that sometimes he feels like an uncle i see only occasionally, but we try and thats the best that can be done sometimes. i plan to visit him in georgia this christmas, my first time back there in something like 10+ years, and really don't know what to expect.

the insane heat of late july and august almost broke me, i will in the heat, but i managed to make it almost the whole summer, less one weekend, without air conditioning. after the weekend i did finally install it, i kind of dreaded it and imediately missed the fresh air, be it warmish, blowing through my bedroom.

july 25th was my 2 & 1/2 year point in my sobriety, a thought that still baffles me sober today. i wish i could say the thoughts of ever picking up again a drink again would be gone forever, but the thoughts, however fleeting and trivial now, still pop every once in awhile to remind me of what i need to keep doing. one of the more recent thoughts, as i was sharing with someone just the other day was, "ohhhh just one..."! i find it tremendously subtle and ridiculous because i never, ever had just one. nope. anyways still doing what i need to do there i hope, meetings and such, and even had a chance to tell my story again this summer.

still hitting the gym and the pool with a regular frequency and lovin it! tried some new things this summer like protein powders and cla with some success. turns out i put on some muscle and toned up a bit more, yet this made the scale tip up, which freaked me out completely. so as of the last time i got on the scale, that was the last time i'll ever do that again. just don't need to know the # anymore. its kind of like me and running too, the last time (july) was the last time. i have been lifting less and swimming more though. trying to get in 100+ laps a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. i just can't get over how much i love, love, love to swim. so mediatative, blissful and removed from the outside world and i feel great after with a deep burning in my legs, chest and cheeks, the ones on my face that is.

i even went out on a limb this summer and tried some new things. july and some of august i practiced with the minneapolis mayhem, our fair city's own gay rugby team! if you want an intense workout that will kick your ass try that. if all the running and sprinting weren't enough they throw in a ball to make it more fun. i guess i got so excited everytime i caught the damn thing that i would forget to run and would be tagged. thankfully the tackling and such they save for the regular season, which i bowed out before it began due to time constraints, money and lack of health insurance. i admit i was bit scared, but i did try and may evn try again next year, who knows.

i did have to keep some time open for the other sport/art i started last summer-BALLET! i took a beginners class for 6ish weeks this summer at zenon dance company and fell in love with it, so much so that i signed up for a progressive year long class spread out over three sessions. kind of rigid and formal, but fun, fun, fun! my new intsructor is amazing and i feel i've learned more in the last 3 classes than i did all summer. ballet was something i have wanted to do since i was a little closeted 10 year old boy. i, nor the little backwoods town i grew up in (ok mostly me) was just unable to bear what i thought the stigma would be. kind of like boy cheerleaders in high school, yeah they may not be gay, but come on.... anyways i finally took the opportunity to try it and love it. i hope it makes me taller, more graceful and helps my posture too, but if not, i at least have the cute shoes to remember it by.

the photo showing process is coming around again too finally. i'm at the point where i think about it a lot more and now realize i need to get some of my own shit together and f'in do it, or it'll never get done. trying to set realistic goals and making the effort to reach them instead of hoping and praying that i'll be discovered. more details to follow....

i saw andrew bird at the zoo this summer and get to see him again at his sold out show at the blb in less then 2 weeks! i can harldy wait. lucked out and saw low twice too, and the first of the two times they closed with one of my all time favorites, will the night. i have been thinking seriously about a tattoo inspired by this song and have been wrestling with the idea for a a few months now. low has been such a major part of my come up'ins whether they realize it or not. they were the soundtrack of my late teens and 20's. they were who i listened to while i got high and drunk alone in my tiny apartment in the hills of kenwood here in minneapolis and oddly enough their last record came out on my 1 year sobriety anniversary. just the fact that i'll always have the tat kind of freaks me out a bit.

i feel like i've missed a bunch of stuff but whatever. now that i got this first chunk out i feel i can start maybe blogging again on a more regular/irregular basis. i keep you posted on that one.....


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