Tuesday, May 09, 2006

the new week....

this last weekend i found myself quite busy. worked on saturday so i could go to mayday on sunday. the parade and festival were both quite lovely, but something quite didn't feel the same. maybe it was because it was the first time i was there sober or without a huge mayday crew. i went to a brunch were i only knew my maydaydate, miss am'o, which was okay and actually forced me to meet some new people. went to the parade and found myself moved at some moments, confused at others, but overall filled with a sense of contentment. had to leave following the parade to deliver a catering order for work, but came right back after. caught up with my datye and wondered through the park for awhile and hung out with old friends. this like something other things aren't the same anymore since i've become sober. it was great to be present and part of the day, i guess that sense of detatchment i got from boozin' and usin' still feeels like it should be there sometimes, when in fact it never should have been. did that make sense? i'm not even quite sure if i "get it" yet.

monday was supposed to be my quit date for smoking. i made it until almost 3 o'clock when on auto-pilot i walked to the market and got a pack. i have cut down drastically. i have only smoked 10 cigarettes in the last two days, when i normally would have put away a pack and half. i'm still hanging on to the idea and hope to be in a better place by next monday. gonna try some gum action and just not give up yet. it is indeed a lot hard then i thought it would be. i thought i'd be filled with boundless energy, instead i was sleeping standing up and completely out of it. i know at some point i will have to completely detox before the physical cravings quit.

got my mile done in the pool today and it even seemed harder, could smoking be making me a better swimmer? i think i'm overthinking it. i had made a choice to not go to a meeting on tuesday, but i'm out of town all weekend and probably should get an extra meeting or two in before then. just 3 more work days until i get to drive on out odf minneapolis........


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