Friday, December 09, 2005

part two....

so that summer of being unemployed or unemployable, or able to stay employed, was a wicked hot summer. i had a cute studio+, a block from the walker art center, in the kenwood neighborhood that i couldn't ever really afford. my east facing windows were just above the next building enough to be flooded with light everyday early. which also meant my little hot box of an apartment started cooking then. i would often find myself trying to fall asleep/pass out at this time and would alwyas wake up drenched in sweat, dehydrated and hungover. to move at all in the heat meant sweating, so as a bloated alcoholic filled to the gills with vodka from the night before i was consistently excreting a river of toxins. evening time wasn't much of a reprieve but i did spend many evenings in the air condition comfort of the local bars.

things were in a steady decline at this point. i kept losing jobs, friends were uninterested in hanging out with me, even in the rare sober moments, and my drinking buddies were only around if i had $$$ to be around. i had been to housing court once and almost evicted, but managed to talk my way out of it. my place was even much of a home. i never moved in entirely. no bed, nothing on the walls, no furniture, no working phone-i think you get the idea. i was just there to pass out, bathe, change clothes, ect. i spent alot of time out at the bars or out and about, as my place never was inviting. i never really invited friends over, it was quite embarrasing.

i was still on the dole at this point and would live high off the hog for a crazy, insane few days and then be out shoplifting dinner at a gas station and trying to figure out how many beers my money would buy me and would it be enough. with a budget and and without the monster monkeys on my back i almost could have made the ends meet. instead i would call up my folks and hit them up for rent $$$ with some lie or another, and then sometimes not even pay rent with it.

somehow i got the wait job i had lost back. i played it cool for awhile and before i knew it, it was business as usual. keeping with that i was fired again. the steady decline was more like a nose dive at this point. i was going to be evicted again, but my landlords gave me the option to move out-"to just go". at the same time an old friend of mine offered me housing in duluth and i thought i had hit bottom. in a shaky, teary blur i packed up the things i felt i couldn't leave behind. mostly photography, art, clothes, the cds i hadn't sold, a half a set of dishes (the other half i left dirty in the sink) and asst. odds and ends. i could only take what would fit in a ford taurus. i left that place in such a shambles. 3 or 4 lawn bags full of bottles and trash, half of my wardrobe and a bunch of mystery items which i still in vain sometimes look for and can't remember where i put. this was it things had to give. a new life removed from all the other crazies who were letting/making me drink and party so much. i felt i was coming back home with my tail between my legs and thw only way to go would be up. it couldn't possibly get worse right.........

3 Comments:

Blogger JD_612 said...

Hmm... Leaving Part 2 with a cliff-hanger. Interesting. I always wonder what people are thinking when they say "It couldn't get worse." I've thought it many times and ya know, it got worse. Did ya jinx yourself?

11:54 PM  
Blogger christopher said...

well it is over and done now and part of my past. but yeah i did...

3:58 PM  
Blogger SparklesMpls said...

Our stories are so similiar. Isn't it frightening that the source of the problem is so obvious, yet during active using, it's the last thing you'd suspect. Thanks for sharing.

10:16 AM  

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