Saturday, July 02, 2005

happy second of july..

i just realized that my little blog turns one year old in a little over a week. whatta trip to re-read some of those old, old posts. i can't believe the changes in my life from last year. i am enjoying my here and now though to be sure. have been having a nice time relaxing up here in duluth. just hanging out with family and friends, working out, working in the darkrooma dn just chillin' until i have to go back out west this tuesday.

i think i may have hit the gym a bit to hard at the end of the week. i just incorporated running into my workout and even did some mountain biking, which in duluth is no joke + i even lifted weights in the morning which led to a pulled shoulder muscle, yikes it hurts still. i was in quite a bit of pain this morning, what with the knot the size of a lemon on the inside edge of my sholuder blade. luckily i was able to get in with my massage therapist and her wicked, wicked elbow and hands did work quite a bit of it out. the crunching sound of her separating that knotted mess was quite haunting, and serve as a big reminder to stretch even more.

i went out for a little bit last night after taking in a concert by the lake and have to admit i was quite bored. granted the best gay bar in duluth is actually in superior, wi across the bridge in what once was a cowboy bar, campily adorned in rainbow flags and 8 by 10's of drag queens from yesteryear. i kind of have this morbid tabloid curiousity with going out. i know that drinking isn't even an option for me anymore and that is a life and death battle, but some sick part of me likes to watch other people drink. i discovered this last summer when i used to sit outside of caffettos and watch people going into hum's liquor store and i would try and guess what they would come out with, i was usually right on. what was weird about being in the bar i discovered last night was that i was observing people and trying to find myself in the crowd. i had spent quite a few drunken blacked out nights in this bar and while the memory is still there, the desire to drink is not, but i couldn't quite pick out anyone who was drinking as hard as i used to, or maybe they were. a friend once described to me how i used to drink and drink and drink and be fine but within a matter of seconds it would seem like somebody (me) had switched me off and i would be come this incoherent, babbling mess-basically functioning but not really there, i'm sure you get the idea. i'm not quite really sure what this post is all about, i feel as if i'm rambling, but whatever i'm in for the night........


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