Sunday, June 26, 2005

planes, trains and automobiles (really)....

so back again safe and sound on a 10+ day break from my job. portland was such a good time it was hard to leave indeed. the last time i was there i had 2 more weeks and felt like i could have used this time as it seemed we just got there and then we left again. i did catch some good new music (new to me) - the mountain goats, who played at the uber trendy doug fir and got to eat in many wonderful restuarants, most of which were in renovated victorian mansions, and all super tasty. devin, a friend of my pal anisa, has the low, low down on all good eats in pdx, and should surely have her on food column, someday perhaps.

i did get my pictures finally on my last day there and it was quite a trip to flip through so many images in one sitting. they weren't really organized outside of black and white vs. color so i would in one roll be looking at images from two months ago and then bam looking at images from 5-6 years ago. some images i had forgotten about, some amazing ones, a few amazingly bad and some theat were just there. it was all very overwhelming and after seeing them all i cried a bit. not a weepy gush, but more for things and people lost, things and moments which will never repeat, for the better or the worse. i think the images that set me off most were some of the final images i actively made. as my addiction increased the amount of work i made decreased (surprise right) to the point i wasn't even making art for the final two years before i went into treatment. those last images are so sad, somber and basically depressing. i look as if i am literally not present in my body, like some decaying shadow of a person i and others used to know was gone. i used to shoot pictures in the wee a.m. mornings of all night binges thinking the work i was making was so profound and significant. i guess it is in a different way now. i still can remember the subtle details and the events of those times and can't ever forget them for my own sake, but now i know how to look at them for what they were and quit viewing them through rose colored lens.

anyways i am currently sorting and slowly looking at all the images i had made and trying to organize them in my own mind in an attempt to get ready to try and share them with the world....

oops blog tangent. the post title was supposed to be about my ten hour car trip to sacremento before my 6 hour flight to duluth, topped off by my 3 hour train ride once i got here, oh well.

p.s. 17 months yesterday....

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

17 months. Wow..just..wow. So happy for you. Still reading and following along, and trying to find a significant block of time (can't exactly call you when I only have 10 minutes). Time is hard to find with the wee one in my lap.

All those pictures...that must have been quite a trip.

Beret

3:55 AM  
Blogger polaroidbaby said...

i can't wait to see your photos good and bad. please dont leave anything out. you are a more wonderful and strong person because of all the crazyness you use to have in your life. i love you.

2:55 PM  

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