Tuesday, November 30, 2004

old blue eyes

i can't believe i finally have a day off! it's such a beautiful, bright, yet crisp and sunny tuesday morning and the possibilities for today seem endless. i think i may go to the gym, lunch with a friend, the mpls art inst, a meeting later and since i deserve it a nap perhaps. i got up at 7:45 am and it seems so weird to me that is sleeping in, but after getting up at 4:40 for 3 consecutive days and 6 yesterday 2 hours has made all the difference. i really love being able to get up early though, not being hung over and having to spend the majority of the day trying to feel better. frank sinatra once said that he felt sorry for people who didn't drink because when they woke up that was as good as they were going to feel all day, whatta jackass.

anyways have a beautiful tuesday.....

Friday, November 26, 2004

after much soul searching, praying and questioning i have decided to go on the trip! i am a wee bit scared (ok a lot) but wouldn't do this if i didn't think i could do it and stay sober at the same time. this will open many new doors for me and really make me work on seeking out a program, rather than just going to the same meetings i am used to. luckily i'll be in the different cities long enough to get my bearings and figure out where the meetings are, the big hurdle seemingly will be just getting there-which is something i'm am committed to doing. so before i go i have to:

-pack up my gear and put it in storage

-get my driver's license

-straighten out my finances

-buy luggage

-collect addresses

-wrap up some loose ends with people here in minneapolis

-perhaps try and figure out where i'll live when i come back

hmmmmmm.....sure this isn't everything, but it really doesn't seem like that much at all. i'm sure many more things will appear on the real list in my murse err.. i mean bike bag. so many things to think about and do and just thinking about waking up in nyc in the not so distant future makes me so giddy sometimes i just vibrate like a tuning fork.


yesterday was probably the last day i'll ride my bike. i told myself i'd put my bike up once the snow fell. i hope my new taut bubble butt doesn't go south. i was going to drop another big chunk of $$$ on some new parts, but it can more than likely wait until next season + i need the $$$ for christmas presents-aaargh my family is so hard to shop for. i've got a photo project i need to finish up for gifts and yesterday i learned how to knit cute skull caps so look under the tree or in the "new it designer" aisle at josie wert ha!

the new camera works like a charm, still getting used to focal range i like and getting my aesthic back on. did some good self portraits and trying to capture people from my early recovery on film to take with + plus i have a really good road project i think, just not ready to talk about it yet.

such a long weekend of opening early and wanting to stay up late and the dreary weather really just makes me want to eat all the things i know i shouldn't, but everyone needs a little kfc right? ok off to a meeting and the gym, maybe.....

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


well i guess the old saying about one door closes and another opens is so very true. a little less than week after being let go from the restuarant the car show people got in touch with me and offered me a job!! i would be traveling to dallas, dc, philly, nyc, boston and a few other towns...errr cities. the $$$ would be the same, as in awesome, the biggest thing is going to be packing up my life and taking to the road for 6ish months. on one hand i get to visit all the cities i have always wanted to go to and make a lot of dough, but on the other hand i have to move out of the super safe enviroment i've been living in for the last 6 months. i'll still go to meetings just not the same meetings i have been used to for sooo long. oh.......i'm about 80% there yet i am leaving myself the option to not go if it doesn't feel right and essentially i could come back anytime i didn't feel safe, i just wouldn't have an apartment to come back to in mpls. i'll always have my mom's in duluth and can re-establish myself in june after the show is over. it's just soooo much to think about, i'm praying really hard and hope when i make my decision that i choose the right one.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

old....or the opposite of...

well so much can happen in a week. big news first, i got fired from the job mentioned in the previous post. things were going okay. not necessarily great and then saturday night hit. i wasn't really ready for the greek food riot that sat nite was and somewhat lost it a bit when this lady treated something like sub-human. i referred her in a not so nice way, to my trainer-away from the table and was a bit shocked to hear that is was probably the reason i was being let go. anyways i had kind of made some changes, luckily nothing reversible, and fortunately still have my job + hours back at the corporate coffee. drinking or otherwise, this a new record for me as far as being fired goes. i guess technically i was still training and we were kind of feeling each other, i just honestly wasn't excepting this. although i am accepting it and moving on graciously. thankful for being made wiser about myself and staying sober through it all. it still lingers though....

have been using the time to shoot some pictures with the new camera, which i usually refer to as my new baby and seeking out people to shoot. anyone want well done candid natural light pictures taken? let me know.

i have also been going to the gym more as i have the time and taking some of my frustrations out that way. my weight has been maintaining from the initial big loss, but i am putting on muscle and still dropping sizes. slipped into my new pair of levis this weekend-33 inches baby. yeah i could have gotten into the 32's but the 33's were such a perfect fit, without any sucking in of the gut required.

so i'm still praying pretty hard to get over this last week and working through my new obsessive idea of finding a mr. southsidechris which will come in due time, and not before february, anyways keep me in your thoughts, i try and post a bit more too.

Monday, November 08, 2004


so today is monday and another start to a whole new week. i love the possibilites. i start my new job today waiting tables and i am a bit nervous and excited. i think i just need a few days under my belt to feel secure doing it, but i think everything will work out just fine. it is also the first monday in like 6 months that i haven't had to get up at the ass crack of dawn to push lattes to 'grateful" yuppies for 8 hours, yeah me!

someday this week my new camera arrives. i won it on ebay (sounds like a prize) but i was actually the top bidder, yes i guess i have to pay for my prize. anyways it's a like new twin lens reflex yashica mat 124-G medium format camera. i have had a few of these and the optical quality is amazing. i just can't wait to start shooting pictures again. it has been something like 3 or 4 years since i seriously shot anything. ohhhhh i can hardly wait.

also i'm supposed to go to a movie with a new friend this afternoon. either i heart huckabees or sideways, they both sound awesome. i like making new friends. she's a sassy artist who works in the bakery by the coffee shop and she is almost as sarcastic as i am, can you imagine that? anyways time to primp and get ready to go, wish me luck.

Monday, November 01, 2004

end scene from a movie

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...
You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry...
You will someday.

i lifted this from a script site for the movie "American Beauty", i hope i don't got to jail or hell for doing this, but this is how i have been feeling lately. so many good things are happening in my life right now and with the focus and mindset to see a lot of them, at times it feels like my brain is on fire and their aren't enough hours in the day and i forget that i'm pissy without my sleep. so many plates are in the air right now and it feels great. a new job, art projects and school on my mind and in the near future, a trip out west for my 30th birthday, and my old body coming back....i am indeed super grateful.