Tuesday, October 05, 2004

beautiful tuesdays R US

whew-i can't believe it's october already it seems like the time has just flown right on by! so much has been happening and not happening at the same time i really don't know where to begin. well today i have the day off and got to sleep in until 9:30-whatta treat! i have been working early, early mornings since last friday and it was starting to wear me out, but after a good night's sleep that all seems like a thing of the past, until this weeknd i guess.

i'm wondering if i'm the only one who saw this, but i had my first run in ever with some fred phelps disiciples outside of the big gopher game this last weekend. i was biking along minding my own business when i ran into 10ish people brandishing their "god hates fags" signs and it really caught me off guard. i was so pissed i really got scared that i would do something rash. i had to pull over as i was trembling so hard from the rush of adreliane i was experiencing. i felt like going back and stealing their signs or worse like punching them in the face, but i knew that would make me no better than they were. i guess with our 1st ammendment rights everyone is entitled to their own opinions, negative or otherwise, i just felt rather helpless in that i felt i couldn't really do anything in response.

personally i have been dealing with some pretty intense feelings of loneliness and going through waves of depression. it's not as "whoa is me" as it sounds, it just comes on pretty intense and from out of nowhere it seems. i am dealing with being by myself and not being lonely pretty well, it's just at certain moments that i feel i need friends around and they are nowhere to be found. speaking of friends, i hung out with an old friend last night. he and i used to use pretty hard together and now he is also in recovery too, with about twice as much time as me. it's just weird to have a friend in both camps. i have friends i have made in recovery who never knew me while i was using, and i have old friends from before i got sober who knew me then, but aren't in recovery, its nice to see what i was like and what i'm like now reflected back in a friendship.

things on the hi-fi as of late:
tv on the radio, andrew bird, the postal service, beth orton, morphine, old magnetic fields, new rufus wainwright, i need some more new, new to me music any suggestions?

i have so much to do today i really need to get my ass in gear otherwise i could just sit here and blather on and on and on.....

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