Wednesday, July 21, 2004

let go of the burn cream please...

sometimes work can be pretty irrating, on top of being inconvenient and sadly necessary. i went into with the best intentions of trying not to let it bring me down, but low and behold 1 hour into it i get a pretty bad burn from some scalding hot columbian, thanks juan. it's not 2nd degree or anything its just dull throb, and i better it'll be discolored but whatever right?

worked out pretty damn hard tonight, i'm slowly trying to raise the bar, literally. but cooling down afterwards, walking around the jogging track i got hit pretty hard with an emotion that i'm unable to really put into words. it was like grief but the sensation didn't have the intense sadness or the release of a good cry. i was just kind of walking through it. i really thought i was going to lose it, and sort of wanted to. i feel like i'm hanging on to a lot of things from my old using days and without the release i feel like they're still hanging on. i am consciously and physically working on letting these things go, and it will all happen when its ready. i guess i'm just re-learning how to be me and feeling things all over again.

i got to let some of this go at a meeting and got some good feedback, as unsolicited as it was, but do feel better.

i got to see the rain bust out of the skies and come down pretty hard while a rainbow formed to the east and the sun broke through the clouds to the west.........it was heavenly.



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