Sunday, November 12, 2006

deep in the heart....

i got to surprise my sister and her family on a quick trip down here to san antonio this last week through today. has been a whirlwind of family stuff, but relaxing mostly, thanks to the new hot tub they had put in their backyard the day before i got here. good timing right.

i did even get some touristy stuff in like 2 visits to museums. one to the san antonio musuem of art, great contemporary collection, and also a trip to the mcnay museum. sama is in a huge, refurbished industrial building on the edge of downtown and boasts 6 floors and tons of regional themed galleries, although we stuck mostlt to photography and contemporary, my faves. some highlights from there included a stunning wayne thiebaud, a gigantic helen frankenthaler (not a huge fan, but this piece was striking) and a eudora welty photography survey. welty was a photgrapher in the pre-wpa south and her images were wonderful slices of life focusing mainly on women, families and the great color divide evident then, and somewhat still today, in the deep south. the mcnay was quite the opposite. set up by an old monied lady here the musuem is set in what was her grand spanish villa style mansion. complete with sculpture garden walking grounds and fountains, an amazing courtyard patio and a collection that featured alot of 19th and 20th century european and american artists. all ther greats were represented here: mondrian, degas, picasso, pisarro, seurat and the like. they even own one paul cadmus painting that is quite breathtaking. cadmus was a mid century painter and illustrator who favored the male nude (on canvas and in life). his work is a less graphic version of tom of finland, but in that vain of exagerated muscle, but more tender and less in your face. t.o.f. obviously draws his images for a gay male crowd. cadmus had to hide his "intentions" a bit at first, but this late career piece is very tender, light and yet direct.

got to spend 10 hours at a horse show my niece was in yesterday. while this was quite lucky to get to see on the weekend i was here and amazing to watch, around hour 5 i was getting a bit bored. luckily i brought a book and passed the time somehow. got a lot of great shots and the ranch where it was, also where she takes lessons, was quite picturesque.

just getting out of my routine was good. i feel completely over the sickness/sinus stuff that knocked me down for a week and ready to get back into my life and get a few more plates spinning before the end of the year....

Sunday, October 15, 2006

the weekend in revue.....

of all the things i did this weekend, i would have to say the highlight was seeing andrew bird live in concert at the blb! i just can't get enough of this guy. handsome and quirky yes, but the spell he casts with his violin and lil magic looping machine are something else. not to mention the whistling, glockenspiel and guitar as well. after deciding earlier this week that a. bird had broken into to my top two faves (low and magnetic fields) i became the super fan with a new tee shirt + plus the new tour only fingerlings 3, both amazing with a capital a, sadly not on this blog though.

did 50 laps on two seperate occasions plus some lifting & ballet, and kind of slid the rest of the weekend on working out. i had all the good intentions of it today, but it was too nice to not be outside at the moto jo coffee haus, finishing up my current book, the amazing adventures of kavelier and clay. amust, must read. i go through the same thing with all the good books i read. i start, things get good, i read more and more, but as the end gets near i freak out a bit. did i read too fast and try and savor the last few pages, sentences, words.......

its that good.

intended to do some other stuff too like laundry, mopping and taking in a midnight showing of hedwig and the angry inch but whatever. i have the day off tomorrow and can't wait to sleep in, get up and take a nap......

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

ok, ok already.....

so "i'll post more in a few days" became yet another month, october to be exact. how does a good minneapolitan spend their falls days you ask? well yesterday i rode down my golden leaved tree lined street in shorts and a tak top enroute to the beach, where i basked in the sun shirtless for a good portion of the afternoon. this is very un-like me, "laying out" that is, and very unusual for fall in minneapolis, but when in rome right?

it still feels like summer will go on forever, or until the leaves are gone and the snows falls. i had a very vivid memory laying in my bed shivering last winter of minneapolis in the spring and summer. all lush and green, the smell of bbqs and fresh cut grass competing with the sights of shirtless worked out men and gardens overflowing with the dripping petals of lilies. this thought was how i made it through last winter and now it feels like its starting to fade right before my eyes. this is not dread as the winter doesn't scare me anymore, but i am left with the question of "did i do enough"? i guess i would rate my summer fun as successful but the what if's and i should've's get me.

i got to spend some good quality time with my sister and niece on their visit to duluth, which also coincided with my dad's visit, a family reunion and my first green man festival to see my faves low play by the lake. the family stuff was great but involved a few weekends driving 35 back and forth, but worth every minute. was great to see how my nieces has grown and evn gone off to school this year, pre school anyways. hadn't seen my dad in a almost a year and half and good just to try and reconnect. we are so far removed in idealogies, life and sadly paths that sometimes he feels like an uncle i see only occasionally, but we try and thats the best that can be done sometimes. i plan to visit him in georgia this christmas, my first time back there in something like 10+ years, and really don't know what to expect.

the insane heat of late july and august almost broke me, i will in the heat, but i managed to make it almost the whole summer, less one weekend, without air conditioning. after the weekend i did finally install it, i kind of dreaded it and imediately missed the fresh air, be it warmish, blowing through my bedroom.

july 25th was my 2 & 1/2 year point in my sobriety, a thought that still baffles me sober today. i wish i could say the thoughts of ever picking up again a drink again would be gone forever, but the thoughts, however fleeting and trivial now, still pop every once in awhile to remind me of what i need to keep doing. one of the more recent thoughts, as i was sharing with someone just the other day was, "ohhhh just one..."! i find it tremendously subtle and ridiculous because i never, ever had just one. nope. anyways still doing what i need to do there i hope, meetings and such, and even had a chance to tell my story again this summer.

still hitting the gym and the pool with a regular frequency and lovin it! tried some new things this summer like protein powders and cla with some success. turns out i put on some muscle and toned up a bit more, yet this made the scale tip up, which freaked me out completely. so as of the last time i got on the scale, that was the last time i'll ever do that again. just don't need to know the # anymore. its kind of like me and running too, the last time (july) was the last time. i have been lifting less and swimming more though. trying to get in 100+ laps a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. i just can't get over how much i love, love, love to swim. so mediatative, blissful and removed from the outside world and i feel great after with a deep burning in my legs, chest and cheeks, the ones on my face that is.

i even went out on a limb this summer and tried some new things. july and some of august i practiced with the minneapolis mayhem, our fair city's own gay rugby team! if you want an intense workout that will kick your ass try that. if all the running and sprinting weren't enough they throw in a ball to make it more fun. i guess i got so excited everytime i caught the damn thing that i would forget to run and would be tagged. thankfully the tackling and such they save for the regular season, which i bowed out before it began due to time constraints, money and lack of health insurance. i admit i was bit scared, but i did try and may evn try again next year, who knows.

i did have to keep some time open for the other sport/art i started last summer-BALLET! i took a beginners class for 6ish weeks this summer at zenon dance company and fell in love with it, so much so that i signed up for a progressive year long class spread out over three sessions. kind of rigid and formal, but fun, fun, fun! my new intsructor is amazing and i feel i've learned more in the last 3 classes than i did all summer. ballet was something i have wanted to do since i was a little closeted 10 year old boy. i, nor the little backwoods town i grew up in (ok mostly me) was just unable to bear what i thought the stigma would be. kind of like boy cheerleaders in high school, yeah they may not be gay, but come on.... anyways i finally took the opportunity to try it and love it. i hope it makes me taller, more graceful and helps my posture too, but if not, i at least have the cute shoes to remember it by.

the photo showing process is coming around again too finally. i'm at the point where i think about it a lot more and now realize i need to get some of my own shit together and f'in do it, or it'll never get done. trying to set realistic goals and making the effort to reach them instead of hoping and praying that i'll be discovered. more details to follow....

i saw andrew bird at the zoo this summer and get to see him again at his sold out show at the blb in less then 2 weeks! i can harldy wait. lucked out and saw low twice too, and the first of the two times they closed with one of my all time favorites, will the night. i have been thinking seriously about a tattoo inspired by this song and have been wrestling with the idea for a a few months now. low has been such a major part of my come up'ins whether they realize it or not. they were the soundtrack of my late teens and 20's. they were who i listened to while i got high and drunk alone in my tiny apartment in the hills of kenwood here in minneapolis and oddly enough their last record came out on my 1 year sobriety anniversary. just the fact that i'll always have the tat kind of freaks me out a bit.

i feel like i've missed a bunch of stuff but whatever. now that i got this first chunk out i feel i can start maybe blogging again on a more regular/irregular basis. i keep you posted on that one.....

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

where am i.....

i guess that last post a few months ago may have been misleading. i went up north for the weekend and promptly came back. i guess i did that this last weekend too. busy, busy, busy and not ever a thing to do. do you know the feeling?

more to come in the upcoming days.....

Friday, May 12, 2006

bye, bye....

i've gone north.....

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

the new week....

this last weekend i found myself quite busy. worked on saturday so i could go to mayday on sunday. the parade and festival were both quite lovely, but something quite didn't feel the same. maybe it was because it was the first time i was there sober or without a huge mayday crew. i went to a brunch were i only knew my maydaydate, miss am'o, which was okay and actually forced me to meet some new people. went to the parade and found myself moved at some moments, confused at others, but overall filled with a sense of contentment. had to leave following the parade to deliver a catering order for work, but came right back after. caught up with my datye and wondered through the park for awhile and hung out with old friends. this like something other things aren't the same anymore since i've become sober. it was great to be present and part of the day, i guess that sense of detatchment i got from boozin' and usin' still feeels like it should be there sometimes, when in fact it never should have been. did that make sense? i'm not even quite sure if i "get it" yet.

monday was supposed to be my quit date for smoking. i made it until almost 3 o'clock when on auto-pilot i walked to the market and got a pack. i have cut down drastically. i have only smoked 10 cigarettes in the last two days, when i normally would have put away a pack and half. i'm still hanging on to the idea and hope to be in a better place by next monday. gonna try some gum action and just not give up yet. it is indeed a lot hard then i thought it would be. i thought i'd be filled with boundless energy, instead i was sleeping standing up and completely out of it. i know at some point i will have to completely detox before the physical cravings quit.

got my mile done in the pool today and it even seemed harder, could smoking be making me a better swimmer? i think i'm overthinking it. i had made a choice to not go to a meeting on tuesday, but i'm out of town all weekend and probably should get an extra meeting or two in before then. just 3 more work days until i get to drive on out odf minneapolis........

Friday, May 05, 2006

friday is the weekend.....

so lovely to have a day off during the week, just so i can sleep in and no others are at work. i did sleep in today and loved it. i always think i'll get up early on my days off but 10:30 isn't noon if that counts for anything. i did have a productive day though. went to work and got paid (hey i finally got a legimate raise), banking, cd shopping (sadly nothing), laundry, lunch, coffee with a friend, haircut and laps in the pool. i set a new personal distance record for myself today-50 laps in under an hour!! i can't get over how much i love, love, love to swim. the downtown y pool is so beautiful with its two story south facing windows and their is something about being under the weight of the water being completely devoided of sound and other distractions. topped it off with a meeting and dinner with firends. sadly my two days off are being interupted by a shift tomorrow, but only so i can go to mayday on sunday. i even have a maydaydate. its with a girl, but i hope she opens doors for me and brings me flowers......